March 17, 2015 - 4 comments

I Want To Forget Today; But I Hope I Never Do!

Today I cried.

It’s not something I do much but today I cried because of pain.

Pain is relative, or so I found out today - I remember playing soccer in High School and breaking a few of my toes, and I thought that hurt, when my son fell in the bathroom hit his head I thought that hurt. Holding young Brian in my arms today hurt, I hurt for his pain.

Brian is 7 or 8 years old, this week he came to the Sole Hope clinic, with 10 others from his village, wearing tattered and threadbare clothes, that in all estimation Brian had worn these clothes for most of his life. When he arrived he was visually bone-tired, his eyes filled with trepidation.  Today when we arrived at the clinic he was a little less nervous, this after having two meals, a shower and clean clothes, but the apprehension and fear were still there.

Moments later I was asked to comfort Brian as the staff dealt with his jigger-ijiggers_justin_brackettnfested feet. For 90, agonizing minutes, I held Brian while the staff cut 15 jiggers out of his feet.  When I say held, I mean I physically had to hold him down, arms wrapped around him as he screamed, jerked, cried, and pulled away.
I cried because I had to hold a kid who, 24 hours ago, had NO idea that I even cared about him or that I even existed.  I cried because something so trivial as a flee could cause so much pain to one kid. I cried because if Brian had been one of my kids, I’m not sure I could sit and hold them, while someone dug out from under their toenails a bug that had buried itself there with no plan on coming out until someone removed it or they died.

As I write this, I struggle now to hold back the tears as I think of little Brian in so much pain, looking into my eyes, in many ways pleading with me just to let him go, even though we could not speak the same language.

Today made me more aware than ever that we all need people in our life; people who are willing to hold us, comfort us, and be with us, even when the pain makes you want to run. While we may never know what the infection is in our mind, heart or feet will do to us in the long run, we would rather just live with it vs deal with the pain. But in the pain comes healing.

“if you aren’t desperate, you won’t take desperate measures. And if you don’t pray like it depends on God, the biggest miracles and best promises will remain out of your prayer reach. There comes a moment when you need to throw caution to the wind and draw a circle in the sand. There comes a moment when you need to defy protocol, drop to your knees and pray for the impossible.” – The circle maker.

All photos by gary s chapman

Published by: Justin Brackett in Global Awareness


March 17, 2015 at 11:00 pm

That’s rough bro…thank you for going there to help.

March 18, 2015 at 8:07 pm

A friend shared the link on facebook to your post. I don’t know if I’m more moved by your story about Brian’s feet or the profound truth that there is healing to be found in the pain or the importance of having someone to hold on to us while we’re going through it. Having experienced all of these things, I think I will pronounce a tie! Excellent post. Thank you.

April 1, 2015 at 3:03 pm

Thank you Calista for taking the time to comment.  A week and some change later I’m still battling thru all of my emotions and thoughts.

April 1, 2015 at 3:06 pm

Sorry it took me a little while to respond to you Wendy_Speake!
Since coming home from Uganda, I’ve had similar chats with my two oldest kids. I’m eager to take them to visit solehope so they can experience what most of the kids around the world call life. While I know I’ve caused them to always want more, I’m hoping that I can move that desire from wanting more for themselves to wanting more an better for others.

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