I've been home from Uganda now for a few sleeps. But today the jet lag is killing me. My body hurts. My mind is numb and my heart is a mess. I'm a little lost too. I feel guilty to come home to the opulence of my life that I have, in some respects, taken for granted and always strived for more. I have a great job at one of the best organizations in the world. I have some amazing clients I'm working with. I have 3 amazing kids who are excited to have me home. Life is good. I mean really good. But my mind is fuzzy and I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I was up late last-night and early this morning talking to one of my best friends. Our talk last night was amazing. This morning it was a mix between a hot-mess and a train wreck. While I'm still not 100% sure what happened I'm starting to realize that jet lag was part of the train wreck. I was not on my game and overstepped my boundaries. My heart hurts a little because of undulation in my relationship with my friend. Really it is all because of jet lag. I'm pushing to stay on top of all the things I need to do today and I'm winning but I feel like people are questioning me and pushing me for no reason.
So I'm choosing to be silent vs. say something I will regret later because I'm tired.
I'm the worst at waiting. I've had to do a lot of it over the last few weeks. Waiting as I flew 16 hours to Uganda. Waiting to fall asleep when it was 10000 degrees at night in Uganda. I'm waiting to hear from some vendors about projects I'm working on. I'm waiting for dinner tonight with my buddy. I'm waiting on things to settle down with my friend who said I bring the worst parts of them out.
I just want to fix things and I want things to happen NOW! Is that too much to ask?
But really the best thing for me to be is silent and let things run their course. To give people their space. And to let the jet lag wear off and for me to find my place and pace again.
My friend Carrie, told me this week that I'm addicted to stress.
It could be true.
But I'm going to change that.
Yet, I do wonder how much of my issues are because I never slow down, because I live in a life of constant jet lag, that could be called stress/technology/expectations/self-demands/emotional baggage or all of the above, that I drag with me thru life vs. just letting it go and going on with life.
Maybe the golden rule should be: do unto others as you would have them do unto you, or be silent and wait.
With that in mind, as of today that is how I'm going to live my life.