Yes. I'm Blunt
I came across an article on Facebook yesterday, the way I come across most articles I read these days. Yes, yes, you can mock me now. The title of the article was 7 Reasons the Blunt Friend is the Best Friend You’ll Ever Have. I knew as soon as I saw the title….I was going to love it. Seems the older I get, the more blunt I become….and, I seem to be attracting friends that are blunt as well, which for the most part, I find truly refreshing.
Turns out, I loved the post so much that I shared it on my Facebook page…..where things got interesting. You know the whole social media ‘song and dance’…..people liked it, people shared it…..which means…..a lot of people I know on Facebook think they are blunt.
The author of the article used the following points to make their case about why blunt people make the best friends
- A blunt person will never shit-talk you.
- They’ll tell you the truth – even if it hurts.
- A blunt friend doesn’t play passive-aggressive games.
- They have high moral standards
- A blunt person is the most fun to be around.
- A blunt friend will teach you how to be a better friend and person.
- A blunt person’s friendship is pure.
But Why Are You Blunt?
Over the last day I’ve reread the article and I love it more and more. The more I read it, the more I think it is the best thing I’ve read. There are few things that I read, where upon finishing I think "I’ve just read something that would give a lot of people insight into who I am.”…….like this post. And yes, I have lots of blunt friends too.
But one of the things I started to think deeply about was how I’m blunt, why I’m blunt and when I'm blunt.
After a sleepless night, and thinking about it for hours while working, I’ve come to realize I’m blunt for two reasons
The first is because it just makes life easy….and way better for me. Ask anyone who really knows me and they will say that I’ll straight up tell you what I think, and how I feel….without blinking. Which keeps people from wondering how I feel, or where I stand….and that is so freeing for me. There’s no drama, there’s no guessing. You simply know….you can deal with it, or we can talk it out.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized the second reason is to keep people at a safe distance. By being blunt I can push people away, or keep them just outside of my walls….which feels safe to me. In some ways, it also feels like a way to control situations emotionally. It is easy to power up, and over take people-to push them back outside my walls.
Does It Help? Or Does It Hurt?
While being blunt does make life better for me, I have to believe that I’ve hurt people by it. I’ll say things expecting them to understand me, then walk away, unknowingly leaving them emotionally wrecked. Or, I've been blunt because they were getting too close….you know, to see If I could scare them off….since I don't deal with change well.
We blunt people tend to assume that because we are blunt, we are communicating well. The reality is, we're just going straight to the heart of the matter, and stating the obvious….vs. having good clear communication. Most times, when I'm at a 10 (on a blunt meter scale of 1 to 10), it doesn’t matter if it’s just because I'm stepping thru a mess, OR if it feels like people are getting too close….in my mind, I'm communicating. But, I'm not clearly explaining what I'm trying to express or the emotion that is connected to the bluntness in the first place.
Blunt Or Rude
While I still identify with this article 100%, I think we blunts have to pump the breaks….and ask a few questions.
- Do I use being blunt as a way just to be rude?
- Do you hide behind being blunt (well I'm just blunt/honest) as your excuse to say just about anything?
- Can you turn off being blunt?
If you are showing up in your friends lives after days apart saying things like "don't make me regret letting you back into my life”….that’s just being rude. Especially if you never told them you were having issues with the relationship in the first place.
If you often lead into conversations with wording like "I'm going to be honest with you”, or "I need to be blunt with you”, you may not be a blunt person. You could just be rude, but hiding behind the description of being blunt.Is the statement “the truth hurts, but I'm going to tell you anyways" part of your vocabulary? Then there’s a chance….you might just be rude.
If you tend to go straight to the punch (in the gut) when you are tired or stressed….that’s not blunt….it’s rude AND immature.
Be True To Who You Are
No matter what type of person you are, blunt or passive, be true to you. Be you. But don't 'hide behind something', or put something ‘on' to fit your needs….you will just hurt more people. You are the perfect version of you...so don't change who you are to meet or become something you think is needed, or cool, or more funny.
If you are being blunt because it’s scary to let people get close, or because you don't know how to love people, or you just don't know when people get too close….just stop. No really….stop. The people you are treating this way are the people you need in your life and they will only take it for a while. But soon, you will drive them away….and when you do, you can't just say “well, they couldn’t handle the truth".
If you really are one of us blunt people, work to grow your tongue, while we still can….while we are well loved or even liked for our directness. We often leave people hurt and lost in the wake of our directness. While it 'is who we are’, we need to grow in our ability to communicate.
Take a minute, and think about relationships that have ended….and you just don't know why. Were you blunt with them near the end of the relationship? Were you "just being honest" with someone you love? Did they get too close to you so you just pushed them away with ‘the truth'? Did you cut them out of your life because they were blunt with you? Yeah, get back in touch with them. Ask for forgiveness. Ask for some grace. Be willing to go back, admit your part, and seek restoration. Friendships are a rare commodity, so don't let them go because you are blunt. By reaching out to them and being honest about how you feel, what you said, or what you did, you will truly be the best friend to have!
So who do you need to connect with? And who else?
Text them right now. No….NOW! Why are you scared? Just do it.